Monday, January 7, 2008

Saying Good-Bye

There are many things in life that are difficult, and saying 'good-bye' to the people who have been an integral part of your life is one of the hardest. It's time to bid farewell to second puc. With the beginning of the month of December, the number of students who attended classes began to gradually decline. I should have realized it then. But I just couldn’t face the fact that it was time to say ‘good-bye’ so soon. I was unconcicoulsy unwilling to accept the idea, and I rebelled against it as much as possible. “It’s still December, there’s still more time….”
No, I reckon there wasen’t. The disappearance of students was too abrupt to suit me. Finally, there were just 6 of us left devotedly attending classes by Christmas time. All these six happen to be my most valuable friends---Me, Shruthi, Hemavathi, Thunga, Navyashree, Virendra, and Kavya. I reason as to why I attended classes was more to see them, savor those last few days with them than anything else. And I stupidly forced myself into an illusion and pretended 2nd PU would last forever. I wish, now, more than anything else that we could all be stuck in time. For all the seven of us have truly enjoyed the past few days so much, and we understand that these last few memories will be cherished and preserved, because we finally comprehended the gravity of the situation. No, we are honest people and we cannot say “We can stay in touch forever!” because we realize that is something unrealistic. We’re at the crossroads, with youthful ambitions and hopes aplenty, and we’ll be moving along separate channels, into different environments, and perhaps even find new friends. The memories might weaken, but for me, I assure you, they’ll be strong, because these have been the best two years of my life.

The last day of college ended in a somber note---just signing slam books, sitting on a college bench. That is just meaningless, if you ask me. Friendship cannot be defined or written down in words, it has to be experienced. I got a slam book too, just because everyone else had, but the truth is, I’m not really happy with it. A mere 30 page book cannot hold all my memories, it really cannot. If I spill my memories on paper, they’ll overflow. I admit, I am a ball of emotions. It’s hard to hide your feelings when the truth hits you so badly---this will be the last day of classes. It is not just ‘OK fine, bye then!” with me. I see this in a different perspective. It is that deep realization that I shall never be in the same phase of life again—I will not enter the class to witness sixty smiling faces---it’s just over. Done, finished! Some people rejoiced classes are over. But this girl squirmed in discomfort. Things would never be the same again….

Most of us did put on a stoic front, bravely showcasing our indifference, until we understood that the pretence was unsuccessful and the truth was pretty transparent. The truth was that all of us were feeling a bit hollow inside—a sudden void, like something invaluable has been snatched away from us, like time cheated us definitely showed in our faces. Manasa was the first one to remark “I’ll be missing you guys a lot, you know….”
Then came clear confessions, and for a moment, we felt connected in the pain of departure. The last word of comfort came from Shruthi, “Hey, it’s not over yet. I mean, there is still time after exams….”
As I drove home that day, I sensed a sudden pleasantness in the air. The winds hit me powerfully, and I enjoyed it, with Shurthi’s words still ringing in my ears “There’s still time after exams….there is still time…still time…” and I really found comfort in those words. For now, I just liked to believe (foolishly) , once again, that it was not yet the time to say ‘good-bye’ after all….we’re friends forever, we will be, no matter what.