Friday, April 9, 2010

The Story that never flew away

On a late evening train, in the middle of flickering lights and dim shadows, senseless aspirations and impossible dreams, subtle rhythm and repeating groans…the ignited cognition had scribbled its first attempts of fiction on a blank paper:

“The feel of the leaves of the pomegranate tree sent a feeling of strange happiness through me. I was in the pomegranate orchard, all by myself – away from my impatient mother. I sat under the tree although the young tree did not provide much shade. How long I sat there – I did not know because soon I had drifted into a deep sleep, away from the bitter events of my life.”

It was one of my first stories. I was fourteen.

Imagination was young, and alive. The heart was untouched by thoughts more confounding than pure wonder. Why I wrote the story, I do not know….but I would have probably allowed the whimsical tale scribbled on cheap paper to flap away with the winds. It would have been another incomplete thought, wasted emotion escaping through the window of the train into the yawning void if my mother hadn’t persuaded me to hand it over to her.

I looked away, ashamed to show my face to her as she scanned my beginning struggles with story writing. Thoughts that had been trapped within my mind were staring at the world through the rusty windows of a speeding train. When I worded them, it was some form of insane liberation. But that knowledge was supposed to have been my little secret.

To be honest, I never regarded my stories in a favorable light. I wrote them to pass the time. And then mindlessly threw them out of my brain or available open windows. I made them paper-planes, allowing them to fly to heights that I believed my words could never reach. That story should have been discarded.

But it had passed many hands instead. Several eyes read through them.

I was the girl who imagined vigorously, but always allowed it to die down. I never considered my thoughts worthy of an intelligent audience, because they sounded so bland and ordinary….even to me. Being the highly de-motivated, self-involved and hesitant high-schooler, I assumed that life would always throw my stories out its window…..unheard, unvoiced, and unnoticed.

Unworthy of attention.

When the author herself rejected her own words, carelessly dismissing them, who else would find them more appealing?
But a phone call had come, with the warmest sort of encouragement I have ever received for the story that should have flown away….If it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t be writing this 100th post today.

This 100th post wouldn’t have happened if my grandfather hadn’t praised a pathetic attempt at fiction by an unsure, hesitant teenager who hid all her imagination in the last few pages of school note books, and the back of her fantasizing mind.

Stories would have been voiceless, mute and ordinary…if not for the magic that ignited the writing fingers.

That magic, I’ll call faith.

His faith in me. My parent’s encouragement. Silent stimulants. Blogging has changed me, in more ways than one. It has become part of who I am. It's become my story.

It has 100 chapters to it today. I never thought it’d grow to such proportions. An Amateur’s Attempts is the creative oasis where the anecdotes that should have swept away, the secret notebook pages that should have fragmented in paper mills….have been safeguarded.

They have found voice. And a very appreciative audience. Thank you all.
I’m glad for my blog….my respite, my oasis, my identity. This blog is like my little beanstalk...a growing strand of an evolving thought process...cherishing, remembering and chewing on all that has been, is or will ever be...and I am extremely indebted to my readers.

The teenager who didn’t know how to talk wrote these three years ago:

"I have been labeled as a girl who doesn’t talk, and that is a natural trait of mine. Or I was labeled so. You see, this girl is talking. She can now talk through her writing; she is finding new means to express herself. I have realized how deeply there was a need for me to talk, and all those emotions, thoughts, feelings that I had bottled up, memories that I had stored over the years are pouring out. I am not the same girl anymore—something is changing, it is something that is very difficult to define….."

Back then, I didn’t know what I was………or who I was going to be.
Much of that still hasn’t changed. The truth uttered that day by my frank immaturity still holds.

I still don’t completely understand why I feel such a great need to write.

But all I know is that it allows it to let go and set something free. It allows me to express like never before. It allows me to become different people---The shy dreamer who regards the world in quiet wonder, a sensitive adolescent who turns irrationally emotional, the pseudo-philosopher when completive, and a frenzied poet who is overcome by a maniac enthusiasm to play with language….and often the casual writer who simply translates feelings to words.

It allows it to be……me.

(Thank you for reading the stories that would have flown away. Thanks for all the support, love and encouragement. Special thanks to GVK sir for so whole-heartedly making me a member of MBP. And of course, everybody on Mysore Blog Park for being so supportive! A warm thanks to all of you!)


Darshan Gad said...

Congrats on century post :)

As some one said "Grandfather is someone with silver in his hair and gold in his heart"

It feels good to know how a moment of motivation springs up such wonderful changes.

Keep going :)

kallu said...

Lakshmi, this is such a wonderful post straight from the heart. I think it would ring true for most people who write.
And the girl has grown obviously from that shy teenager.
Keep writing. You have such a gift of imagination and a way with words.

aravind said...

as usual u kno wat I always comment.....keep goin 100 just 1/10 of 1000 !!!
u've more to achieve, more to write, n millions out there will follow ur blog :-)


Congratulations! I like the way you write - so sincere and true, and a balanced use of words. Keep going.All the best.

Praveen G K said...

Hearty congratulations Lakshmi! It has always been a pleasure reading your posts.

praneshachar said...

congratulations on your 100th post. indeed a great achievement kudos to you for the committment. support of your tata is commendable initially. today you are such a matured writer who is so gifted in putting things in such a nice way. Since I have known you thro your blog and then so much has moved. meeting you and your family was a very special day for look so innocent so simple just I adore you and ofcourse your parents who have nurtured you in such accomplished way.
keep going never give up and am sure we will get much more great stuff to read from you
may god bless you for all your endeavours

д∂Øήåïeš Ðemæŧяεš said...

you know,Following such a pregnant-with-skills Blog is 'My' Priviledge, really and I solemnly admit it! Phenomenal!

ZARDY said...

Hi! Your blog and writing is so amazing. I'm glad you hadn't thrown away that piece of paper no matter how trivial it might have been to you. Ideas are too precious to let go of. The best way to save an idea is to write it down. Congratulations on your 100th blog post! Your writing has given you the voice you once had not. Please keep writing! Remember, we're all following you! :)

Deepti said...

dear lux,
i always knew you had a inferiority complex, but hadnt thought it to be this major.
but lux, you just need to read your own stuff with a strangers eye and you too will realise the genius it is.. i know...i read and still remember that stack of papers you kept, the stack that made me want to write...
and, have written a 100 posts along with the 100 poems..
in the teen language: simply cool!!

Lakshmi Bharadwaj said...

@Darshan Anna: Thank you!! :) That's a witty one, ain't? and it's true! I'm proud that my motivation has been, and will always be my grandpa...and the amount of respect and love i have for him, cannot be replaced! Thanks, darshan anna, for reading!
@Kalyani: thanks for that! :) being honest with my writing is more important to me than the regularity with which i post! thanks, your encouragement has been soo much appreciated! :) :)
@Marty: :P yeah, dude! There are miles to go before i sleep...:P \m/
Until then, keep gettin bugged, i intend to never stop bloggin'. ;)
@Raji maami: thank you so much for the comment! :) glad you like it! and welcome back to blogging! i've missed you for a while!
@praveen sir: Hello!! hope your well!! :) thanks for the comment! just saw your recent's been more than an equal pleasure to read your posts too..its been a privelage! As i had one day said, sir, your gonna replace our RK Narayan with his writing someday..."Mr. Iyengar"--that one deserves a booker, if there was one for short stories! Totally beautiful!! Savored the ending...absolutley mind-blowing!

Lakshmi Bharadwaj said...

@pranesh sir: thank you soo much for all the warm encouragement you have provided me, right from the very beginning days. If there is one person I need to thank apart form my family, it will have to be you--my most loyal of readers.
a very heartfelt thank you for that.
you know, its been such an absolute delight and privelage to having met you and your family as well! it was such an honor! and we discovered so many connections, and so much to share! thanks for making that day so worthwhile!
and will be glad to meet up with you people again, once I'm down in india for the holidays!
absolutely love your family, your beliefs, your always make us feel so much at home! :)
ee sala bandaaga manege barokke mariyalla! give my love to aashu akka and kshitija and everyone else!
@adoneias: Hey!! welcome to my blog, and thank you so much for the comment! :)
And it's equally, if not more, exciting to know a new reader! it's my privelage getting to find a new reader amongst the crowd, and it's my duty to thank you for taking the time to read! hope you liked it, and do keep hoppin in! cheers!

Lakshmi Bharadwaj said...

@zardy: thanks, man! you know what is the greatest comfort of all? knowing that there are people out there who still read your posts. that brings immense comfort, and i'm sure you can relate to that too. :) :)
Yes, sometimes, it just takes just a little nudge and a few kind words to make you a blogger from someone who stubbornly never wanted to share! i have to thank my grandpa and countless others for that, as you have to thank your friends for getting you to blog!
we shoudl never forget them! :)
and thanks for the comment!
@deeps: yes, I know..ive suffered much because of it. I guess it's something i have to work real hard to fight off.
Yes, you rememeber that, wouldnt you?
thanks for being my first editor..and also, one of the first readers of the pages of a stack of papers that i hadnet shared with anyone else! :)
hope your well, hun!
and how did the results go?
mail me!

nightskykk said...

This is not fair. Yeah, somebody please tell this god that he cannot be so unfair. How can he be so partial to gift a person with so much of talent and give very little of it to others?. Or has he gifted us by creating these gems amongst us ?
Unfortunately my english vocabulary is not good enough to describe a word for your writings and i doubt there exists one. Hats off to your parents, who let the pigeon out of its dungeon and let it fly as high as it is flying today. Thanks for the "Drushyakavya" you create in our mind with your writings in this blog and belated wishes on your 100th blog. Pen up for your century............
But wait...
i have a little doubt, why does most of the inceptions happen under a tree ?. As far as i know, it happened to Newton, buddha and to many other people. I also wanted to try this undertree trick, but unfortunately we don't have a pomogranate or an apple or a bodhi tree over here.
we have lots of coconut trees around us here. Now, does it work wonders for me if i sit under one of them ?

Lakshmi Bharadwaj said...

Nightskyy: totally flattered!!! :)
I'm sure that god has given each one of us something beautiufl...a beautiful gift when he made us. did you know that not two fingerprints of two different people are like? and there are more than a billion of us!!! we are all uniue, with different gifts. :)
I'm sure you equal and surpass me in something else. :)
glad for your comment.
realise your path and blaze it!! ALL THE VERY BEST TO YOU!!
and keep visiting!! lovely to see a blog-hopper here!!! cheeers!!!