Sunday, April 29, 2007

How blogging changed me forever

Some of you might have read my previous posts. They say that you can judge a person’s character through his writing. If that is true, what are your opinions of me? Let me guess for you. I am ambitious, sensitive, love to write about trivial matters that are not really important, I can get angry quickly, and I am responsive, right? Wrong. All these things do not define me adequately.

I sense a change. This is a recent metamorphosis of mine. Over the years, I have acquired some (dis)honorable titles such as the “incurable pessimist” “The girl who forgets to talk” “meek” “bookworm” “unresponsive” and “shy” “cry-baby” and “nerdy”. Sure, all those characters are part of me. I find it so hard to open my mouth that I remain silent most of the time. If there is a relative in the house, firing questions at me, I smile blandly instead of answering. If you say, “Hello, Lakshmi”, I smile, and retreat politely into the world of my imagination. Oh, I am that perfectly behaved student of course, but not at all sociable. You will usually find me peeking into a thick novel when I am attending weddings, ceremonies, etc. I have been labeled as a girl who doesn’t talk, and that is a natural trait of mine. Or I was labeled so. You see, this girl is talking. She can now talk through her writing, she is finding new means to express herself. I have realized how deeply there was a need for me to talk, and all those emotions, thoughts, feelings that I had bottled up, memories that I had stored over the years are pouring out. I am not the same girl anymore—something is changing, it is something that is very difficult to define. My thoughts were my secrets, my emotions were hidden. The only friend with whom I shared myself completely was my journal. If I was angry, depressed, sad, joyful, jubiliant, or anything else, I shared it with my journal only, and put on a stoic act on the outside. Now, I realize hiding my emotions was foolish.

I have met some wonderful people on this blog, they have been really supportive. I am so thankful. You see, you people have made all the difference for me. I lack all those natural qualities of a normal teenager. I am repulsed by the thought of wasting time in front of the mirror, I am of the opinion that reading a book is a better pastime than watching TV, I hate pizzas, I mingle with kids and old people better than with others of my age, and I study for exams. Unusual, right? Others told me I was weird. You people told me I was special….of course, for the “incurable pessimist,”, a nice comment puts him on cloud nine. I can savor a small 2-word message “nicely written” for days together. I believed that I was nothing special, and that I was sub-normal in many ways. Being a loner does that to you. I am thankful to my grandfather who truly believes that I have certain special qualities, I am thankful to so many others for providing a platform to voice myself. I know I can protest against the wrong things, I know I care for people, and I realize I am not “unresponsive” anymore. Now, there is new courage in me, more self-belief, and tons of hope. Truly, you have worked a miracle.

5 comments:

mahima said...

I must say u have indeed got a wonderful platform to voice out your thoughts.Being a teenager I could easily relate to what all u said!!!......shy??....naah not any more ...u are talking to hundreds of people through your blog ....keep up the good work !!.
what kind of authors do u generally read ??

Lakshmi Bharadwaj said...

As a kid, I read a lot of comics(Tinkle, tintin, archies), Nancy Drews, Lewis's carroll's works and Hardly boys. Now, I read Aghata Cristi, Harry potter (finished reading each 5 times), Anna Sewell, RK Narayan, Dan Brown, Cristopher Paolini (who wrote Eragon-which has become a movie) and a lot of hardbound books by different authors. I luv all kinds of books. Mystery, Fantasy, anything!!

Vincent D' Souza said...

Hi, Friend GVK, now in Mysore, introduced me to your blog and here I am!
I appreciate the effort. And that tribute was truly from the heart and genuine.
Keep writing. And keep to your style.

I will be referring your blog to the students who attend a summer Journalism Camp here in Chennai.
They too blog their stories at www.mtjclass.blogspot.com.

Lakshmi Bharadwaj said...

Thanks sir.
I have read almost all articles from the mtjclass.blogspot.com, and I loved it. I liked Rhea Bannerjee, Vrindha and Anita's works. Pl. Convey my best wishes to them.

Haridas Dave said...

I used to write since my school days, I used to communicate a lot, but the thoughts of poems and stories is what I didn't express freely. I didn't know what laid within myself. But I did not stop writing. It just kept on coming. When you start writing, its a wonderful way to give outlet to your emotions and feelings. You trust your beliefs more than your doubts. Its a wonderful feeling. People do make opinions about you from time to time, but never let it matter much because you are in the process of discovering yourself, you not know yourself where you destined to go. You tend to become silent, a bit introspective, a lot retrospective, you see stories in every corner, you can write poetries on every change of weather. So be it ... live it !!